Self-care for caregivers: balancing your needs while helping others

When a loved one needs support like palliative care, your role as a caregiver often takes center stage. Caregiving can quickly become the focus of your life as you juggle your loved one’s needs with your own responsibilities and emotions. While it may seem difficult to fit into your day, self-care is necessary during this period of time to manage your stress, avoid burnout, overcome feelings of guilt, and keep your body and mind healthy.
 

A balancing act: the role and struggles of caregiving

Caregiving demands significant time and emotional energy, often causing you to overlook your own needs. You may find yourself juggling various responsibilities such as:

• Managing bills, medications, appointments, and transportation.
• Providing daily support, meals, and home care.
• Collaborating with the medical team.
• Advocating for your loved one.
• Navigating the healthcare system.

Dr. Michael Gabriel Interim Medical Director with Carelon Palliative Care highlights the crucial role caregivers play. “Caregivers really are a bridge between the medical team and the patient. They see their loved one every day while we may only see them once a week for a brief snapshot in time. From supporting the patient's physical and emotional well-being to helping them continue social activities and have sense of normalcy, I see caregivers as an important extension of the medical team.”

Because of that level of responsibility, Dr. Gabriel has seen firsthand the physical and mental health struggles in caregivers and how stress and burnout can sneak up on them.

“They often don’t recognize these issues in themselves, as it’s easier to see this happening to someone from the outside looking in. Caregivers at first usually feel frustrated about their loved one’s care and sometimes resentful toward the patient, which is normal. Then, physical symptoms can start to appear. It’s important not only for the caregiver to recognize this but also for the medical team to be aware of and address as well.”

Signs of stress and burnout to watch for include:

• Chronic fatigue and sleep issues.
• Change in appetite, which can lead to weight loss or gain.
• Emotional exhaustion.
• Feeling anxious, depressed, irritable, or resentful.
• Neglecting self-care and personal interest and obligations.
• Withdrawing from friends and family.
• Struggling at work.

“You may also experience feelings of guilt, which is a natural response to a very complex situation,” says Gabriel. “You may feel you're not doing enough — when you are — or feel bad spending time on yourself or with others. To better handle that feeling, acknowledge and validate it. Have open conversations with others and the patient to help clarify expectations and address any issues contributing to the guilt. Suppressing or ignoring these feelings will only contribute to stress, exhaustion, and burnout.”
 

Self-care strategies for caregivers

Caring for yourself is not a luxury — it's a necessity. Not only will it help you better manage caregiver burnout and stress, but it also ensures you can continue supporting your loved one effectively and with a clearer, calmer mind.

Dr. Gabriel suggests implementing basic strategies, such as:

• Setting boundaries to protect your personal time.
• Maintaining a balanced diet and exercise routine.
• Taking time to engage in activities that bring joy.
• Prioritizing sleep and relaxation as much as possible.
• Practicing mindfulness, such as daily meditation, walking in nature, breathing exercises, or journaling.
• Talking to others about your feelings, including through support groups and professional counseling.

Remember that self-care benefits both you and your loved one. When you care for yourself, you’re able to show up for them with more patience, energy, and resilience.
 

Additional strategies for managing caregiver stress

Stay organized

Staying organized is vital to managing care and keeping stress low. You can do this by:

• Keeping a detailed record of appointments and medical information.
• Staying informed about your loved one's condition and treatment options.
• Communicating regularly with healthcare providers, your family, and others who are helping out.
   

Encourage open communication

Keeping open lines of communication with friends, family, and your loved one in palliative care helps set expectations, provides support, and clarifies needs and preferences. To maintain thoughtful and open communication, you can:

• Be patient and listen actively.
• Share feelings and concerns honestly.
• Respect your loved one’s wishes and encourage mutual understanding.
• Agree on set times to have specific discussions, such as around advanced care planning.
• Involve healthcare professionals when necessary.
   

Build a support network

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to have a support network. While it’s normal to want to do everything on your own, balancing care duties with your own needs is essential. Caregiver support comes in many forms, such as friends, family, community support groups, counselors, and virtual care. Even if you’re an only child or are the sole caregiver, you're not alone.

• Regularly communicate with family members to share responsibilities, and delegate tasks when possible.
• Accept offers of help from friends and neighbors.
• Use local volunteer services for assistance with errands.
• Seek respite care services, which provide temporary relief for caregivers.
• Join caregiver support groups in-person or online where you can share experiences and get advice.

Remember, when the load feels too heavy, professional help is invaluable. Dr. Gabriel suggests talking to the medical or palliative care team for support and about the caregiver resources they provide. For example, social workers and counselors can assist with emotional challenges while financial advisors can help you manage and plan for expenses.

“Caring for someone you love is a profound experience, and with an estimated 53 million unpaid caregivers  in the United States, it’s something many of us may experience at some point in our lives. Protecting your health and well-being along the way allows you to be there for your loved one with resilience and compassion and better manage the challenges that come at you along the way.”